Article written and permission to use by: 
Honey Loring, Fool-for-Dogs
Founder, Camp Gone to the Dogs®

Loring said she found torn plastic bags (both labeled and generic) strewn over the kitchen and living room floors; but that as a student of operant behavior, she knew it was pointless to rant and rave after the fact. Indeed, she said, she knew scolding the dogs might have caused them to: A) slink around the house in a guilty fashion upon her future returns; B) cause her dogs to think (Poodles do think, you know!) that their human was deranged; or C) have no effect on their future behavior whatsoever. Loring stated, however, that she could not restrain herself and had launched into a full-blown tirade after seeing what she had at first perceived to be a few gnawed chicken wings turned out to be a veritable gluttonous feast for the two Poodles. (One can only imagine with what glee they had gouged themselves on a banquet the likes of which was virtually unknown in their previous entire existence!)

Despite her aversion to the current popular practice among some raw food diet aficionados of fasting the dog once a week (she is a Jewish dog-mother, after all), Lorning said that one look at Hawk and Olympia's bulging stomachs (the latter, Loring reported, appeared ready to pop out ten pups) convinced her to make this one exception. No future studies of free-ranging Poodles are planned (at least on Loring's part).

UPDATE:  The following day, the two free-ranging Poodles lay around digesting the previous night's "kill" with no observable ill-affects.  Loring said that the dogs reminded her of her favorite Gary Larsen cartoon -- Poodles of the Serengeti.


Dateline: Putney, Vermont

At 6:00 p.m. on the evening of April 11, 2000, H. Loring left her home for a business meeting. She stated that upon returning at 8:30 p.m. she found that her Standard Poodles Hawk and Olympia had broken into the kitchen freezer (located on the bottom half of the refrigerator) and helped themselves to its contents. Loring presumes that the door had been left slightly ajar; although, due to Hawk's superior intelligence, she surmised that he could also have pulled the freezer door open using the dish cloth hanging from its handle.


So, what do free-ranging Poodles eat? Lorning said that based on this independent study (by the Poodles themselves), it appears that Ballpark Hotdogs, Kielbasa, chicken wings, ground hamburger, steak, ground lamb, caju catfish, and boneless, skinless chicken breasts are the foods of choice. Untouched (as of this report) were Healthy Choice Low Fat Hotdogs, Chinese dumplings, shrimp, salmon filets, Chinese vegetables, string beans, broccoli, bean soup, chicken soup, pesto, bread, Lean Cusine and Budget Gourmet Frozen Entrees, spinach and mushroom raviolis, cheddar cheese (extra sharp), spaghetti sauce, Loring's mother's brisket and potatoes, their own frozen raw dog food, low-fat mocha almond fudge yogurt, coffee (both regular and decaf), and Girl Scout Chocolate Mint Cookies (Loring's personal favorites which she would have hated to lose!)

Permission to use illustrations drawn by Juliana McMullin

Cartoon by Gary Larsen